remembering the loss of you

I miss you

It wasnt until months after you were gone that I allowed myself to cry

The day you left was hard for so many people

I felt like I had to be strong for my family, I had to console them and hold them while they cried

But really, I just couldnt comprehend it

You were larger than life, someone everyone knew and liked and trusted

But to me you were just my grandpa, who sang silly songs with me in cars about coffee and tea, and stinky feet hanging out windows

You were the one who pretended to eat my toy plastic food, and then my ear

You were the one who treated me beyond my years, entrusting me with tales and retells of stories i wished i remembered

I still cannot believe ypure gone

Everytime I go see grandma i expect you to be sitting in your rocking chair or reading the paper at the table

It was months before I cried about you

I wish i could talk to you
I want to know if you are proud of me

I like to think you are